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PwC Email |
An ex-PwC employee has a rant over the company email system. |
This is an emotional email for me to have to send. The tears are flowing.
Today is my last day at PwC. I haven't sent this to everyone because what would be the point? Why do people send their leaving emails to everyone? We didn't care about you then and we certainly don't care about you now.
However. even though i have narrowed the group to AS1/AS2s (and a few extra). I still presume hardly any of you knew me. which is good because I'm rubbish at audit so i wouldn't have helped your stellar careers.
I'm leaving because i failed the exams and now have to leave. I hope to pursue a career as a mudlark down Limehouse way or possibly as one of the more well-dressed tramps.
It is not a total loss, however. i shall take away some special Skills from PwC, courtesy of our Bespoke training and Blue Sky whatever. I have learnt how to fake steps exceedingly well. Mine are like houses of cards. Pretty from far away but touch them and they fall to pieces (I stole this line). i was on one client for several months and i still don't know what they do. I presume it's buy low sell high gotta spend money to make money - that sort of thing. I've also learned how not to decorate an office. Green and orange block colour walls with business buzz phrases on. Find your space", always add value" etc. Where do the phrases come from? Is there a team of people lurking about in Embankment Place whose only duty is to pump out corporate drivel?
"Oh yah Rupert, I like "diversify your outlook"'''
"Fantastic, Fantastic, lets roll it out"
"I'll action that"
"By close of play?"
"Oh absolutely."
"What does it mean, though?"
Hm. Fantastic point, we'll have to revolutionise outside the box on this one, i can tell."
"Touch base on this a-sap?"
"Rather"
In addition. I look forward immensely to never having to attend an event in which Our Beloved Leaders stand up and tell us we've massively exceeded budget, so in reward we get no bonuses and instead we get the treat of listening to Coldplay while quotes from the greatest leaders of our times are played across a screen. Dare we be different? Not really. What we dare to do is stick out 3 years untill we get the AcA and then we can leave.
Except me, obviously. I got fired. Whoops
But most importantly. I think most of all I'm excited about never again having to say "cast" instead of "add this stuff up".
So. those of you I'm not actually friends with, I hope we'll continue to manage to avoiding staying in touch. I ahve a personal email, so if you want to send me anything (I can't imagine why you would), just guess it. If it's meant to be. I'll get it. I'm also on Facebook, but i hate it, I'm sure you've got real friends of your own and I'd prefer if you left me alone quite frankly. If we ever talked (doubtful, i avoided anyone that looked like they might give me some work). add away.
I've left some treats in the group area.
Not really
Bye forever.
xxx
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